… by Morgan / from Fraserburgh / MMath Mathematics / 3rd year (UG)
Hi, I’m Morgan and I’m a 3rd year Maths student at the University of Edinburgh. So far, I’ve really enjoyed my time at university; however we all know no tale is without its adversities. It’s perhaps a little cliché to say that “the transition from school to university is so difficult!” but that saying wouldn’t be repeated so frequently if it weren’t true (although my statistics lecturer may tell me that I’m a victim of observation bias…)
One theme that seems to recur is people feeling very ‘lost’ or very ‘average’ when they start university, which has resonated with me and my friends. Going from top of your class in school to being very ‘middle of the road’ is very humbling when the norm was getting the maths prize at school rather than scraping a pass in your 1st year course (oops). I started having lots of doubtful thoughts. “Is maths the right course for me?”, “Am I even smart enough to study maths?”, “Did I deserve my place at uni? Or are the outreach team handing out this place to students like me to boost their quotas?” I also felt very alone and like nobody really ‘got’ me and I didn’t have the same level of friendship with people like I did back home. It’s hard not to feel this way when you see the grading curves after exams, and you think “all those people got an A?” or when you see your fellow freshers seemingly enjoying themselves on a night out at Big Cheese or Hive. (They aren’t really worth the hype anyway — or they aren’t to me at least.) I had a few meetings with the student support team and talked things over which helped me through tough times but unfortunately it didn’t magically fix the situation which is obviously what I was expecting (unreasonable — yes, grateful for their help — also yes). I’d met lots of ‘friends’ at many societies but was never sure if the ‘friendship’ was mutual.
At the end of a somewhat miserable 1st year, I thought I’d stay in Edinburgh over summer and try and experience the Fringe. It was a nice summer and I enjoyed seeing a couple of shows as well. I met up with some ‘friends’ from the societies I joined and soon enough, September was here. I met with my PT, picked my courses, matriculated, met up with these ‘friends’ again; this was just a rinse and repeat. I went back to my lectures and sat with these ‘friends’ again. I found the course content much more engaging this time round and I was really enjoying learning new things. SVCDE is a banger — I can’t recommend it enough! As the semester went on, I started realising these ‘friends’ became friends, and I began to enjoy their company much more. We met up more frequently outside of classes and really got on — and we still do! Similarly, my society ‘friends’ became more like friends too and they were happy to see me when I came back for another year (I know right!? I didn’t believe them at first either).
What I’d like any student to know is that it’s ok not to feel fully integrated into university as soon as you arrive. And I’m also going to give you very boring cliché advice — be patient. You’ll hopefully figure out who your ‘friends’ and your friends are as well as figuring out what you enjoy and what you don’t. And to answer the doubts that I had above: yes, maths was the right degree for me, turns out I just don’t like algebra; yes, I am smart enough to study maths; yes, I deserve my place at university — hard work at school earned me my place here; and no, the uni didn’t give me my place as a pity present. It is natural to think these things though. If you picture the population of all 1st year maths students, a large proportion of students that study maths were probably quite good at it and perhaps in the top 5% in their school. Now the population of students that you’re surrounded by are all just as capable and as intelligent as you are — and it’s ok to feel a little taken aback. Other students doing well will never diminish your academic potential.
Finally, I’d just like you to know there is plenty of support available. If you’re struggling, you can contact the School of Maths Student Support Team (Kat and Kathleen are lovely) or your personal tutor. Outside of the School, there is the university counselling and disability services as well as the chaplaincy if you need someone to talk to or even just someone to listen to you. And don’t forget about your GP as well — the university health service is fantastic! The important part is knowing where to get help, knowing that you are entitled to it and knowing that you deserve it.